8th May – Fake It Till You Make It

Lately I’ve been feeling really bla bla, like I just don’t (or can’t seem to) care about anything. I have zero energy to do anything. Even interacting with people is proving difficult.

I’ve almost reached that point where I just can’t. No matter how hard I try, I just can’t. Not really sure what’s going on with me, just feeling really low, down and out on my luck. I’m not looking for sympathy of any kind or saying that I’m (feeling) depressed or anything. I’m just tired. I’m tired of trying my damn hardest to make things better for myself and getting nowhere. It just really sucks. Right now it feels like all I do is exist and I don’t want that. I want to live. Like really live.

Oh well. The only thing I can do is keep trying to make it out and make something of myself.

I know I sound like a saddo but it’s not all shitty. I have a roof over my head and all the necessities one needs to survive. I have everything except happiness. I don’t know if I’ll ever truly be completely happy. I’m not really happy with my situation right now but there are things within my life that I am happy with. Like my relationship for example. It’s honestly the best thing that’s happened to me (and my life) in the past 2 years. I mean how often do you meet someone who is soo different from you in many aspects and yet is exactly like you in many aspects? Not often I (or statistics) can tell you. Yeah, I really like that boy. He really is the best 🙂

Anyway, things will get better, I just know they will. I just wish I didn’t have to struggle (financially and mentally) to get to where I need to be. I’m still not sure where “home” really is. I’ve always felt that I’m a bit of a nomad (probably due to the fact that I’m a Sagittarius) and so I can’t stay in one place for long. I’m always looking and searching for something different and wanting more.

But like I said, things will get better. I’m still working on the whole “be a warrior, not a worrier” thing so you know, I’ll get there in the end before it’s too late.

I’m not about to quit and give up (even though I feel I want to at times).

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