I woke up today ready to unleash a whole range of emotions and not caring about the response(s) I would get, but I thought I better not. As much I would love to exercise my right to freedom of speech, I can’t be bothered dealing with people. Especially on FB.
So I came here instead. The one place where I feel I can just say shit and not give too much of a fcuk.
So anyway, today (in the UK) is Mother’s Day. It’s a day I don’t like and don’t celebrate and wish I could avoid altogether.
But I can’t.
Why? Because it’s the one day that I’m publically reminded of everything I never had. I had a mother, or rather a woman who birthed me and was in my life for a very short time then felt it was ok to abandon me.
I don’t know if I missed out by having an absent parent (she was always there in the physical presence sense, but not in the way a mother is meant to be), but sometimes I feel like I did.
I would have never treated someone the way I was my whole life. 28 years is a long time to feel hurt and confusion (and a little anger. I’ll never understand why she never liked, loved, wanted or even cared for/about me. I think it’s something I’ll never really get over.
I sure hope this hurt doesn’t last forever, because there’s only so much a person can feel before they completely break.