8th May – Environment(al) Changes

Just to clarify, no this isn’t a post about changes in/to the environment we live in, more so to do with the world I myself live in.

Can one’s environment really change a person? Let me explain.

So I moved to the UK from Africa (Botswana) 7 years ago (my gaadd has it really been 7 years?!) and in the past 7 years, I have changed. A lot.

Before, I was kinda care free. Didn’t really care much about what people said/thought of (and about) me, but these days, I’m conscious of just about EVERYTHING! And by conscious, I mean self-conscious. Like I’m more aware of myself, my surroundings and the people around me.

I don’t even know when or how this even happened. I’m a totally different person. Well not totally, I’m still the same person, but different you know. Never before did I ever have a panic attack, nor an anxiety attack. The social anxiety part was still there (I’ve always been a shy person), but it was underlying in a way. But in the last 7 years, everything changed. The anxieties (and fears) in my life seemed to have magnified beyond. I stress out a lot, worry more (like literally every waking hour) and I’ve had a few panic and anxiety attacks. Horrible thing to go through I might add.  I sure have struggled a lot these past few years. Maybe that’s what’s brought on these anxieties? *Shrugs* But it’s not like life before moving was any easier, because let me tell you, it was NOT.

But anyway, I really do think my new surrounding has contributed (or at least played a part in) to the person I’ve become. I sometimes do miss my old self and the person I used to be.

Yes I have anxieties but I’m learning to deal with it all. People (who know nothing about anxiety) keep telling me to go see the doctor and I’m like um noo…hellooo..I have social anxieetyyyy, which means I find “simple” things like talking to the doc (or anyone at times) really difficult to do. Being an introvert who has anxieties and worries a lot is no fun at all. But anyway, you have to find a coping method that work for you. There’s a quote that I just looooove “Don’t Base Your Decisions On The Advice Of Those Who Don’t Have To Deal With The Results” and I honestly believe this.

Anyway…not sure why I wrote this post..curiosity I guess.

Annndddd in other news….. 31 DAYS TILL I GET TO BE WITH MY NUNU PIE!! I’m sooooo so so excited I cannot even begin to tell you just how excited I am. And as excited as I am, I’m also a little nervous. Not about seeing him, but about a few other things that are going to happen..or may not happen. I don’t knowwwww. It’s all very exciting and nerve wracking, ugh. And I don’t even want to think about the long ass journey I have to take, double ugh. But it will all be worth it when I finally get to see his face and be with him 🙂 (eww gross, I know, lol). <<< I’ll stop being so mushy now.

Well I guess I’m all out of things to say. I best get back to being productive. Just kidding, it’s Sunday, legal day where you’re allowed to do nothing. And that’s exactly what I intend on doing ^_^

Bye for now 🙂

*Waves bye*



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