Sometimes I look at myself and think “really?”
I think I’ve self-diagnosed (and labelled) myself so much that I’m actually staring to believe all of it. Is there something “wrong” with me or do I just have “issues”?
I mean I know I have a few issues, but are they really as serious as I’m making them out to be? I guess this is what happens when you read an article about “whoring” your mental health issues and now I’m starting to really doubt myself.
*** I’m not (and never have been) one of those people who fakes having a mental health issue purely to get attention ***
I’ve always kinda felt that my issues aren’t as extreme as others, but does that mean they’re not as relevant as anybody else’s?
Am I a fraud because I “claim” to have social anxiety and yet I do leave the house and go outside and talk to people? Maybe I’m just lazy? I dunno.
I know that the ups and downs and the things I feel and go through ARE real feelings. I’m the kind of person who prefers to stay home rather than leave it, and only leave the house if necessary or I have to. And the reason why I don’t like leaving the comfort of my house if because I’m an introvert (here I go with the labelling) and because I am a little paranoid at times. Like I don’t like people looking or staring at me, sends my mind into serious over drive. I hate feeling so uneasy. Don’t ask me why I feel or get that way around people at times, I just do.
And as for the whole anxiety, and panic attack thing…yes I do feel anxious and I do panic over the slightest thing at times, because I worry. About everything. All the time. It’s also part of the reason why I don’t sleep. I am a nervous nelly to put it lightly. I get a fright when the toaster goes off! Yup. Don’t know why I’m admitting that publicly, but there you go.
I honestly don’t know what’s up with me, but something definitely is. I’m just a mess, but I’m not a complete mess you know.
Fear holds me back from things. I wish it didn’t, but it does.