4th December – I Shouldn’t Have To Apologise

I shouldn’t have to apologise, but somehow I always feel like I should.

My whole life I’ve always felt misunderstood. People have always misjudged me for some reason.

I get real tired of having to explain myself 10 million times to the same person (or people) about the same thing. It’s exhausting. I don’t know why people can’t just accept and believe me when I tell them things.

One of the most annoying things people love to ask me is “why?” Why this and why that. Always with the why why why???

I cannot explain why to people. I’ve tried but to no avail.

How am I supposed to explain to people the reason why I don’t like talking on the phone? I’m an introvert. It’s as simple as that. People with my personality type don’t like talking on the phone. Soon as you mention the word introvert, you then gotta go explain all that. And when they hear it, the next thing that comes out their mouth is laughter.

I get soooo tired of having to constantly explain myself and the way I am. It’s exhausting! I struggle with a lot of things and all I want is to be heard, understood and believed.

But people love to be stubborn.

Do I feel bad about how I react the way I do to things at times? Sometimes yeah. Would I love be around people more? Sure.

I guess I say “no” and “sorry” so many times because it’s become the normal response. To anything.

I shouldn’t have to apologise daily for who I am and being the way I am. And yet, I’m always made to feel like I should.

I’m sorry that I’m not cut out for this world (there I go apologising again). I try. I really do, but I cannot force myself or put myself in a position to make others comfortable. I don’t like turning people down (most times) and I don’t like seeing the disappointment on their face when they think I don’t care for their consideration of me. I am grateful that you thought of me, but I’m one of those people that when proposed with a proposition, I instantly panic and think of every scenario good and bad.

How I wish I felt comfortable around everybody at all times. I really do.

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I hate the fact that people think about and look at me in a certain way, makes me feel bad about myself at times.

I’m not giving excuses. I’m not trying to lie my way out of things. Sometimes I just can’t do the things you ask of me. I’m sorry but I can’t.

Please just give me space. Believe me. Be patient with me. But most of all, try to understand me after I’ve tried explaining things to you.

That’s all I could ever ask of you…of anyone.

 

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