So my life has taken a turn. I’m hoping its for the best but that’s yet to be determined.
Let me explain.
So for the longest time, and I mean THE LONGEST TIME I’ve been trying to deal my mental health and haven’t done much about it. I did try to look into counselling a few years ago but the lady was like..there’s a 6 month waiting list. I was like well here goes that plan! This was while I was still living in Scotland. And while I was living in Scotland I was very isolated. I lived in a very nice, small quiet village, with literally one of everything. I never made any friends, I was always indoors and only left the house if I really needed to. And I think that’s why my health deteriorated. I was unemployed for a lot of years as I struggled to get any work. Everything was just a mission.
Sleep? That was non existent to me. My eating habits got worse (not that they were great to begin with) and like I said, everything was just a mess.
I left Scotland in 2017 to try and turn my life around and things have been a struggle but I refused to give up. I had to prove to myself that I can do what I came here to do.
It’s been a hard struggle but I have managed to get jobs far easier than I could in Scotland. I’ve 4 different jobs (2 in the same industry, but different locations) in the 3 years that I’ve been here (it sounds bad like I can’t hold down a job). But I am now in a steady job that I’ve had for the last year and a half roughly, I managed to find a flat (with the help of an ex co worker) I’m managing to pay my bill’s and all that all on my own.
Fast forward to present times and I’ve not been doing so great lately. I’ve just been on this emotional rollercoaster that has lasted longer periods than normal. The lock down has not helped at all, it’s been tough on me being on my own and alone.
I took the step to actually try and get help from doctors. It was a scary thing to do 🥺 but I knew that it was time. I didn’t want to keep feeling the way I have been for a long time.
The lady I spoke to was great. She listened to me even while I was there blubbering and struggling to get my words out. She helped me understand a few things that I myself didn’t even realise.
So as of tomorow, I start my anti depressant medication. I am so scared and so nervous about this next part of my life. The thought of taking medication has always terrified me, and I always said I would rather not but the way things have ben falling apart for me I’m willing to try just about anything.
I have allowed myself to be open to this new opportunity to get healthy and mentally healthy.
I can only hope that by having the courage and bravery to get to where I am today pays off. It’s been a long hard struggle and I’m tired of the struggle 😥
I know things are going to take time to get back to normal, but I am ready.
Wish me luck 😬
I will not give up.
I am a warrior.
To anyone struggling, you’re not alone and never feel like you have to deal and go through things alone. Help is always available.
Stay strong ❤